Fill In The Blanks

A preacher who I deeply admire once told a story that is deeply insightful. He said that a man at breakfast was waiting for his wife to prepare some biscuits. When she finished, she brought him the biscuits on her best china, in her best dress, and served them with her best attitude. He said “I don’t want any biscuits.” So the next day, she prepared some rolls. When she finished, she brought him the rolls on her best china, in her next best dress, and served them with her best attitude. He said “ I don’t want any rolls.” So the next day, she prepared some pancakes. When she finished, she brought him the pancakes on her best china, with her second best dress, and served them with her best attitude. He said, “ I don’t want any biscuits. I don’t want any rolls. I don’t want any pancakes. I want to fuss.”

I don’t know if that is a true story. But I do know that it is a hilarious one. It also teaches several important lessons. The most crucial lesson that it teaches is that some people just like to fuss. To fuss is to create “a bustle or commotion out of proportion to the occasion, subject, or issue.” To fuss is to complain, and is expressive of the action of ‘puffing’ and ‘blowing’ and is echoic of the sound of something ‘sputtering’ or ‘bubbling.’ It is related to murmuring, with the critical distinction that the murmurer also complains, but does so loudly enough to be heard, but softly enough to be misunderstood. Fussing and murmuring describe two different ways of engaging in essentially the same activity: complaining.

Complaining is not a new phenomenon. It meets us in several places in scripture. It is notable that shortly after God delivered the children of Israel from 400 years of bondage with a marvelous miracle that is outlined in Exodus 14, the first thing they did in the very next chapter was complain! According to Exodus 15:22,

Moses led Israel from the Red Sea on to the Wilderness of Shur. They traveled for three days through the wilderness without finding any water. They got to Marah, but they couldn’t drink the water at Marah; it was bitter. That’s why they called the place Marah (Bitter). And the people complained to Moses, “So what are we supposed to drink?”

Depending on how you count, the children of Israel registered anywhere from 14-20 complains during their sojourn in the wilderness. They complained about everything from who was leading them to what they had to eat. Their complaints were so fierce that it kept an entire generation from entering the Promised Land. But that is precisely the lesson. Some people don’t want to go the Promised Land. They just want to fuss.

An effective strategy for distinguishing between people who want to go to the Promised Land and people who just want to fuss is to ask them to fill in the blanks. Whenever I am around someone who starts fussing, I simply ask them to turn their complaint into a request. I usually offer some version of the following spiel: “You have made it abundantly clear that this isn’t what you want. What do you want?” If I could solve your problem right now, what would I have to do? Fill in the blanks! It may surprise you that most people can’t complete this simple task. Complaining about what you don’t want takes far less energy and thought than it does to carefully examine and precisely articulate what you do want.

But carefully examining and precisely articulating what you do want is exactly what the Bible encourages us to do. In Philippians 4:6-7, we are instructed to